Here are 10 of my “If Only” statements I wrote for my class. I encourage you again to do the same. You may be surprised by what comes to the surface.
1. If only she hadn’t been taken from this world
2. If only I hadn’t lied about what I wanted for myself
3. If only they hadn’t taken advantage of her
body and ruined my family
4. If only people stayed together, fought for each other
5. If only I had loved everyone I’ve ever met
6. If only I had been completely honest
7. If only the world wasn’t so cruel
8. If only I had loved myself
9. If only my mind hadn’t gotten sick
10. If only I could focus on the good
Underneath My Bones
Here are 10 of my “I Remember” statements I had to write for my class. I encourage you to do the same and find joy in your happiest memories, or find strength in your worst.
1. I remember losing one of the most special human beings
2. I remember holding my best friend’s beautiful baby girl for the first time
3. I remember losing all hope
4. I remember standing in a crowd, singing at the top of my lungs with my best friend, to my favorite song, in one of the most precious moments in my life
5. I remember looking into the eyes of my hero, hearing tell me that I am lovely, and being filled with so much hope and happiness that I thought I would burst
6. I remember fear
7. I remember courage
8. I remember standing in the piercing cold, staring at the water, trying to find something, anything, to hold onto with everything I have
9. I remember screaming with joy on the phone with my best friend when I was told the news that I would be owning my first horse
10. I remember saying goodbye to my home, being thrown into the real world, and finally finding myself
Underneath My Bones
Human existence is made up of responses to each other to create a world so spontaneous and beautiful that our futures are completely unexpected.
After seeing you for the first time I knew you would occupy my thoughts for the rest of eternity. After watching you dance around the room so effortlessly I couldn’t help but feel envious of your carefree soul. After your lips formed the sound of my name I knew I was done for. After wondering what you tasted like, you kissed me so passionately my imagination of it all shattered. After taking your hand and leading you to the earth’s edge I knew there was no one else in this entire universe that I wanted to be next to. After we finished speaking of the future we would sit in quiet satisfaction, wondering silently if any of it would come true.
After seeing your eyes full of tears I realized that your soul was broken. After hearing your screams for an answer I felt my heart break. After you came into the room with your bloodshot eyes I held your shaking body and listened to you whisper about the voices in your mind. After I watched you consume line after line of the whiteness I knew I wasn’t enough for you. After realizing that my touch was no longer what satisfied you I cried out for help. After all of your promises, you left, no goodbyes and no second chances were given.
After scattering what was left of you into the wind I asked myself why I had fallen for someone so broken and soulless as you. After everything you put me through I should have been without a soul too. After you, however, my soul was more in tact than ever before. After asking myself why you made me feel so alive when you were so dead inside, I realized, you were trying to save me from the world by swallowing all of the evil. After the evil took you I began to see it everywhere else. After failing to hide from it all I pictured your face and knew it would lead me into your arms again. After you my darling, I’ll follow close behind. After all, I truly loved you.
I remember meeting the man in all black. I remember taking a deep breath when he looked up at me with those all knowing hazel eyes. I remember fighting the temptation to reach out and lay my hand against his skin. I wished more than anything in that moment to be able to touch him and take away all the pain and sorrow his body holds. I remember his crooked smile as I told him how much his existence meant to me. I remember him leaning closer, as if he wished to share the most beautiful secret. Those three words his lips formed would stay with me forever. I prayed to God for the chance to heal his broken heart. To be the only medicine he ever needed. I remember walking away from the man in all black and regretting all of the words I never said to him. I’ll see you in my dreams darling.
I see the way you eye me
I know we must remain
I see you bite your lip
You tempt me, make me insane
Oh how you tempt me
I can’t keep living off your crumbs
I’m starving for your touch, babe
You tempt me
My little temptress
You know temptation is a sin
And you know with me you’re bound to win
Baby, you know me so well
Oh baby, if you asked, I’d follow you straight to hell
I lie in my bed at night with your face in my mind.
Watching the shadows on my wall take your form.
But when I reach out to touch you I’m only grabbing darkness.
Because darkness is all you left me with.