I can…

We had an assignment in my writing class about writing a piece that was similar to Hugh Gallagher’s infamous college admissions essay. Here is a link to the essay if you are interested. http://www.quora.com/What-are-the-most-epic-college-application-essays. And here is my version of what I wish I was able to do in my life.

Because I can cook up any delicious meal with left over ingredients in the refrigerator, I think I will make a great wife. Because I can rid the entire house of every speck of dust before noon, I think I would make a great wife. I can do the handy work around the house and I can kill off all the bugs and rodents without a flinch. I know I’ll be able to raise incredibly talented and amazing children just by looking at the way I turned out. I can have a career where I am at the top of the totem pole and still have time to travel and have fun. I can perform first aid even when it consists of stitching up wounds, amputation, or basic surgery. I can make a man happy by focusing solely on him and his needs and still have time to do everything I want to do for myself.

I don’t mean to brag but I overheard some of my family members saying that I easily outshine the rest of the family. I can get a full nights rest while also being able to wake up at 8am and go to bed the following night having finished all of my goals for that day and ready to get everything done that I wanted to for the next day. I can give equal time to all of my friends and family. Basically, I’m great at keeping everything around me happy and content. I have fought off every sickness that has tried to slow me down with nothing but a single cough to show for it. 

I have been able to keep all of my pets alive long past their expected life span. I get amazing grades and still have time for a quick nap, a long hang out with friends, cook myself a delicious healthy meal, watch a few episodes of my favorite show, and knit an entire beanie. I can do my make up and hair flawlessly in under 10 minutes and they both stay that way for the entire day, and now that I think of it, I haven’t ever received a pimple from wearing make up, or from anything actually. I am great at saving money while also buying all of the things I need and want. 

I make my parents proud and always do better than my sister in school, and life in general. On weekends I make time to help the less fortunate. I haven’t cried since I was three years old, and those were tears of joy. I look amazing in every picture that is taken of me, even when I open the front camera unexpectedly. I can eat all of the crappy food I want and maintain a perfect weight, perfect skin, and perfect health. I bet when I get pregnant I’ll be all belly with not stretch marks, and labor probably won’t hurt because I have incredibly high pain tolerance. You know what, I don’t think death will ever find me either.