“Do you have a boyfriend yet?” is the question that has most haunted me throughout my 19 years of life. It’s as if everyone I know has a bet with each other on whether or not I’ll end up with my prince charming or ten cats. I will admit that my love life is something to wonder about after 19 years of having nothing more than a bit of cheesy hand holding and maybe a giggle. In my defense I was raised by a former Marine, lieutenant detective, religious father. At least I can always count on him not asking me if I have a boyfriend yet. He is probably sitting at home right now laughing with pride on how he’s managed to scare off every potential boyfriend and succeeding in making me one of the most awkward girls around the male gender. My older sister never had a problem with finding a boyfriend, I envy her for that. The difference between her and I is that in all of my boy loneliness I had way too much time to sit and dream up the perfect man. I became a hopeless romantic, reading Twilight and thinking that a creepy stalker vampire would be my future.
My number one request of a man is to have an accent. I have no idea where the fascination of a european accent came from but it hit me one day and stuck. He must be over 6’2, have a kind smile, and pretty eyes. Once I get past the cliché appearance of my dream man I would begin to think of his personality. He would be intelligent, but not an annoying know it all. He would be honest and loyal and have a great sense of humor. He would love me with everything he had and be supportive of me. He would love music as much as I did and he would be able to make words sound beautiful and effortless, probably because of the accent. The problem with having ridiculous expectations as I do is that every boy that approaches me never seems to be good enough.
Sure, I’ve had crushes in high school and college but those guys always came with a girlfriend or the friend zone. Lucky me. Every boy that has given me “the look” or tried to make a pass at me has been the complete opposite of my dream man. If I say no to these kind of boys that give me goosebumps, and not in the good way, I am blamed for bringing this never ending single life on myself. That may be true, but I am not one to settle. I have an idea and I will not give it up until I find the boy that can form a sentence without it starting with the words, “One time I was hooking up with this chick…”.
I have come to the conclusion that when people say, “I enjoy being single.” they are trying to justify the fact that they are in no way okay with being single and they have no bachelors lined up. Who wouldn’t want to share the best and worst parts of themselves with someone? Who wouldn’t want someone to nestle up to at night for warmth? Who wouldn’t want somebody who can make them feel beautiful even when they are feeling as if they resemble a troll?
That’s another thing that annoys me about never having had a boyfriend. Besides the lack of affection I am constantly being told by my taken friends that I cannot give them advice on their relationship because I don’t know what it’s like. What they don’t understand is that I have had plenty of time to sit back and watch relationships turn to shit, watched relationships blossom, and I have witnessed relationships that are emotionally abusive. I want to thank those of my friends that have told me that because they happen to be the ones who are in an unhealthy relationship and they have taught me what NOT to do. Looking back at my single-hood in high school I find that I have no regrets. I will never admit this to my father but I am so thankful that I didn’t become attached to someone in high school who was as immature as I was and who I would break up with on and off for a good two years before finally moving on. I have witnessed the majority of people’s relationships that started in high school falling apart and turning them into people who can only say or, most often, tweet “I can’t trust anybody anymore” or “Waiting for the person who can break down my wall that I’ve built”. Now I’m not saying that those things don’t happen but those things can be forgotten about when you are 17 years old and have your entire life ahead of you.
Now I am a sophomore in college and every time I leave my house I expect to find my prince charming in some coffee shop or record store. I’m just kidding, I usually go to classier places like McDonalds or school when I leave my house. Maybe that’s my problem. I’ve tried the “wear a cute outfit and go somewhere nice and try to meet your future husband” idea and ended up feeding bread to the ducks at the park by myself. I have since stopped that nonsense. “You’re lucky that your single. You don’t want a boyfriend.” Is another one of my favorite sentences I hear about three times a week, again these words come from people who are still in relationships with their high school boyfriends that they’ve grown to hate but won’t break up with because they’ll make him cry. Yeah, I’m happy I dodged that bullet. However, being single isn’t fun for me. Especially on Valentine’s Day when I get cheap chocolates from pitying friends. Craving the affection from the opposite sex is becoming a sick game.
People who have been single for as long as I have tend to take it out on themselves. We wonder things like “Am I not pretty enough? Funny enough? Cool enough? Will I find anyone that will like me?”. It is a horrible feeling. The fact that being single can put people in a place to tear themselves down is horrible. And nothing seems to make it better. It’s as if no one can take away those thoughts but the person who you’re supposed to end up with, if I ever do end up with anyone. I hate being dramatic like that. I hate feeling as if I need someone. It’s ironic that people say “You can’t love someone until you love yourself” when not loving yourself stemmed from not having anyone there to remind you that you’re a special person. Hearing from your mom and dad doesn’t help either. “You’ll find someone one day, you just have to be patient” is beginning to grow old as I approach my twentieth year of life. I haven’t given up my search for my dream man. I have given up trying to seek him out at the grocery store though.
I will continue to tell myself that I have waited and learned from others the primary do’s and dont’s in romantic relationships. That has to count for something. I’m just waiting for an intellectual and grammatically correct man to sweep me off my feet. I believe I will find him one day but for now, I’ll continue to cuddle with the animals at my work and dream up unrealistic scenarios of my British hottie holding my hand as we walk down the street, causing all of the girls walking by to glare at me with envy. Another cliché moment but hey, it’s all I’ve had to go off of. But I can promise him, after all of these years I have learned to be the best damn lover a man can ask for. Never settle and never give up on what you want for yourself, that is the most important lesson a single person can learn.