Have you ever felt really alone? Not just lonely, but completely and utterly alone? As if you were to walk through a room full of everyone you know and no one stops to greet you. No one notices because you’re in a box of self deprecation with no way of escape. The one thing I am not alone in dealing with is this feeling. How do people get to that point in their lives where they just no longer care? How do people get to the point of just accepting their hatred for themselves and living day by day with no idea what they’re living for? I hate it. And I have no idea how to get out of this endless cycle of my insecurities ruling me. How do you get rid of the churning feeling in your stomach that you call sadness when you don’t know what the cause of your sadness is? It seems as if everyone I am close with is annoyed by my very existence. I can’t ever do anything right. I can’t show them how much I love them because I’m keeping quiet as to not upset them. I know that my family will always love me, and I am so blessed to have them. But friends are a different kind of anchor than family. Friends are there to help you find yourself and guide you back to the path of life when you get lost in the dark. But I don’t have someone to do that for me. And when I think I do they say something to remind me that I can never be good enough. I read somewhere that isolation is the worst form of punishment for a human. People lose their minds when they are isolated. God banished Cain to a lifetime of loneliness for killing his brother. Yet when I am around others I feel more alone than ever. I feel unappreciated, as if my presence couldn’t make a difference in this world. And that is a very hard war to fight. The war with myself has been going on for awhile now and I’m scared that one day I’ll surrender.