What You Wanted

I remember the first time I got high in spite of you…

The smoke burned my lungs and the white powder burned my nostrils and all it did was make me see you.

So I swallowed the pills and chewed the mushrooms, trying to see anything and everything else.

Still you stood there watching me in a world of terror, shaking your head and mouthing “I told you so.”

I screamed at you to leave me alone and you put your face in mine and screamed right back.

The first time I got high in spite of you was the first time I discovered how much I loved you.

So I let my lungs burn and my eyes turned red and soon enough you were gone.

I couldn’t see you through the clouds of smoke and I couldn’t see you when the lights began to flash and my heart began to race.

Nothing made me more angry than to look up into the mirror I smashed with my fist when you told me I would never be enough.

Those cracks distorted my face, showing only those red eyes and the smeared make up and the twisted smile.

The funny thing is that this is what you wanted.

You wanted a broken soul to repair.

You wanted an addiction you could break.

You wanted someone who doesn’t sleep, someone like me.

And then you left when you realized that you can’t save someone.

I was cracked when you met me and I shattered when you left.

So I get high in spite of you, wondering who will be the next one to pick up the pieces only to drop them again.