Still Searching

Craving hopeful honesty

Yet all I find are lying tongues

Searching for kind words

But all I find is a lack of genuine emotion

I set out to discover passion

And all I found were people settling into simple mundane lives

I tried to start a conversation about ethics

And all that was said to me were ignorant stereotypes

I searched for a mind

And all I found were unthoughtful bodies claiming to be alive

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My Mind

My mind is a series of never ending thoughts

My mind is capable of creating worlds and galaxies that don’t exist

My mind loves to wander and discover new places

My mind loves to sing when my thoughts get too loud

My mind is a fortress, with sneaky traitorous guards

My mind likes to memorize song lyrics and quotes but can’t seem to remember a single math equation

My mind spends most of its time day dreaming of hot unattainable men instead of paying attention to the expensive ass education I paid for

My mind is a hopeful thing, but some days it just wants to sleep and forget about life struggles

My mind always thinks it’s hungry, even when it’s not

My mind is not understood, by the simple and mundane

My mind has an obsession with the idea of love, though it has never felt it before

My mind likes to wonder about the cruelness of the world

My mind is riddled with anxiety and a bit of sadness

My mind requires medicine to keep it in line when all these damn thoughts take over my body

My mind is a series of vines in a jungle full of dangerous animals and beautiful ruins

My mind loves to get lost in words, finding hope in their meaning

My mind craves to attain the knowledge of scholars and artists

My mind wishes to understand the world

My mind prays for the less fortunate, and makes sure to remind me that other people have troubles too

My mind likes to fight with me about significant life decisions until it’s almost too late to make one

My mind is easily tired My mind inflates sometimes, giving me a sense of false confidence that comes to kick me in the ass later on

My mind has learned from my past experiences but sometimes loves to repeat its mistakes

My mind longs for the days when I was a happy child who wouldn’t let the world bring me down

My mind has a conscience that keeps me from lying, or at least lying well

My mind is always asking for forgiveness, even when it secretly knows that it is not at fault

My mind is a bruised fighter

My mind has dusty corners that have been avoided for the sake of my sanity

My mind sympathizes all too easily with people

My mind sometimes notices the smallest yet most important things, but will also miss some of the most obvious signs in front of me

My mind has dreams that it will hopefully never give up on, no matter how impossible they seem

My mind loves everyone

My mind loves me, although sometimes it tries to deny it

My mind is my own, even when it’s trying to destroy me

I’ve done a piece like this before but I’ve added on to it and revised a bit and I really liked this outcome. It’s a bit vulnerable for me to put this on paper but helps me understand myself and my struggles a little better.

Forgotten

I woke up to your whisper in my ear

My eyes searched the room helplessly for you

My heart was racing at the idea that maybe

Just maybe,

You had come back for me

 You left me desperate when you were my hope

You left me bound with broken promises

And I hated you, I did

I cursed your name and dreamt of pushing you into a black abyss

But every morning I wake up with your voice in my ear

And every day I forgive you for the scars you forgot on my body

And my eyes will always be searching

My mind always wondering

About where you are and why the hell you’re there 

Raindrops

The sound of the raindrops reminds me of a song you used to sing

Made up of melodies that would carry my body to the moon and back

I lie in bed with my hands reaching towards the sky

Trying to find you and pull you back to me

Oh baby, sing to me one more time

I stare up at the stars and wonder which one is you

Do you wonder about me too? 

Every night I dance in the moonlight

Hoping that the white dress you gave me will catch your eye

Now the raindrops touch my skin as your fingers used to

And the thunder creates a gentle hum in my bones just as your voice did

But then the sun finds it’s place in the light of day 

And I’m left with the chill I felt the day they found you

But as long as you keep singing, darling

I’ll find you

Killin Lily Bloody In Some Blood Ink Doom

This is an Anagram assignment I did for class using a phrase from my favorite song, “Me” by The 1975: “I nearly killed somebody”

Irksomely lonely dark

Real bloodied ink

Led bared in my kills

A bided miser look

Embodied loner, Lily

A loomin bedside

No, likely disobeyed

Look, a blinded leer

My bookended sear

My bloody kill is near

Lily, no! I’m real!

Yells in my ear

Near disembody lie

Disrobed like an eel

Real bloodied ink

Killin somebody early

Slayer doom in bed

Bedlam is on, Lily is no more

Overheard Speech: Thoughts On the 21st Century

Here is an overheard speech assignment that I did for class that I find very interesting.

I’m not getting very many likes on this photo and I’m pretty sure it’s because of my wonky eye

If I wore those pants I’d look like a marshmallow stuffed into a straw

I never buy underwear for myself

I don’t like due dates

These aren’t even fresh fries, they’re like limp dick

Every time I quit hating something it disappears

When did I become the cynical friend that hates all of MY friends?

High school called and they want your petty jealous ass back

Having no life is going amazing

His ass is going to get her pregnant

Speaking of asses, his is on fleek

Please put “If I wanted to listen to an asshole I would’ve farted” on my tombstone then bury me like a pharoah

NO I DON’T WANT A RECEIPT

I commented heart eyes on his photo, now he knows he’s bae

Well fuck my life that was awkward

So when is Bruce making his transition?

That guy was flirting with you, he wanted some of your Hawaiian punch

Congratufuckinglations

If I were the hulk I would probably turn green ever hour of the day

Calm your titties

I just watched a dog drink it’s own pee…

Angels have come to earth and they give 10% discounts at Subway

I hope you have sweet dreams of boys, toys, and other joys

Things I Love & Things I Hate

This is an assignment I had for class where I had to make a run on sentence. I was required to use certain words which are easy to pick out. So this is a rant on scrambled thoughts in my head.

I love and hate many things, and there are many things that people love and hate about me, but where does it all begin? Could it be that I never stop speaking what’s on my mind or does it start with my natural disposition to examine and wonder about everything? Like how the fuck is Xenophobia even a thing and when did having a vagina mean that you were inferior to everyone who bears a penis and now has to suffer from sexism and who in their right mind would want to go spelunking where spiders and snakes await to kill you? Obama sure isn’t doing anything for taxes or immigration, don’t even get me started on Clinton, and Congress has gone down the toilet like what the fuck is wrong with the government and why do we have to force democracy on other countries, why can’t we stay out of it and focus on our own people? Al Qaeda now has some competition called Isis and honestly I don’t even want to know what the hell is going on with that because it’s all unnecessary bigotry that could be solved if people knew how to be pragmatic and look at things holistically instead of abating each other while I’m here wondering where the fuck is the peace in this world, I’d honestly rather live in space where the moon and stars stay silent in their beautiful quiddity and humans can’t touch me with their ignorant self serving words that is the source of these insidious actions that bring hate into the world and shameful actions that is a slap in the face to God who brought us into existence so that we could enjoy the beauty of the universe and the ocean and all of the wonders of the world.

Another thing that’s been on my mind is the voyeuristic tendencies that puts guilty, manipulative, and unloving sex on a pedestal and calls it fantasy and teaches thirsty young minds that sex isn’t love but instead it can be emotionless and serve the purpose solely for physical pleasure like nobody should want that for themselves, everyone should crave a love full of empathy and integrity, it shouldn’t be a guilty pleasure. Silence is the absolute worst while standing before the person you love and you’re suddenly afraid of the honest morbidity that your heart is about to face but you know the sex has been hopeful but gauche and you walk beside each other with a brume of sadness between you and you want to break away from the world and drink rum until you find yourself spinning through an ethereal itinerate dream with your body full of lithe wonder and then you’re puking up all of the irony until you feel like a caseous fried eel and you are on the verge of accepting death because all he gave you for flowers were those damn gross baby breath’s and his eyes were as revengeful as a shark’s and though he once tasted delicious he is now an unhealthy greasy meal that you ate and can’t stop hacking up because he’s stuck in your system while you’re suspended in time and walking away is not an option anymore.

That is the one thing I hate the most, the one thing I will never stop thinking about and despising because this life should be lived with effulgence and enjoyable experiences that will fuel your soul until you feel like you’re standing on top of a mountain and not even North Korea could knock you down from there. Menage a Trois is the only phrase I can say in French, which is a language I wish I could speak. And I love coming up with hyperboles to describe the Kardashians and Kris Jenner although I’d secretly like to switch lives with them or maybe even switch lives with a cat who doesn’t have to worry about misjudged simulacrums that drill into your brain until you feel like a worthless piece of shit whereas if you were a cat the biggest worry would be hacking up a hairball.

If I had a cat I’d name him Willaby and keep him away from all the bad in the world and instead feed him popsicles and hug him like he’s my childhood teddy bear while reading him nice poems. My least favorite animals are racoons and possums, they are worse than having to sit in a room while Emblem3 is blasting through the speakers, someone should really do them a favor and tell them that they can never achieve what One Direction has achieved and they will never be Harry Styles because he is a magnificent masterpiece which is why I’m sure God was being pedantic while creating that angel. So yes, I like and dislike many things and I have many opinions that are constantly running through my mind and all too often flying out of my mouth and I can go from thinking about fumbs to wondering what the fuck Stalin was thinking but I am thankful for that ability and hope that my mind will continue to grow and develop passions and stand up for what I believe in.

The Cure

Swinging sweet melodies to birds and trees

Forever dancing with the stars and moon

Looking for a way to cure my disease

Humming a familiar haunting tune

The wind carries my song to you, darling

Hopelessly hoping that you’ll come find me

Before my wounds started their fateful scarring

Dark clouds led you to my place by the sea

Your careful words calming my endless war

Look in my eyes until I surrender

Make sure my demons inside are no more

I found myself in all of your splendor

White flags wave as your loving lips meet mine

I’ll drink your cure for the rest of my life

When The Rain Won’t Stop

I couldn’t help but notice that ever since you came back from that house, the rain won’t stop

Every time you speak the rain beats harder and harder against the roof until I think that the whole house is going to cave in

I wish it would

Because every time I hear you sing I want to drown myself in the water that is pouring down from the sky

The lake is filling up, higher than I ever thought possible

And I find myself dreaming of the day that it will sweep up the house and take me out to sea 

Which is the only thing that can get me far enough from you

The other day while I sat watching the raindrops make pathways on the windows

You came up behind me and your greasy hands touched my hair

And I began to think that not even all of that rain could cleanse you of your filth

Sometimes I stand out in the rain, begging it to give me the sun

But when you’re around the sun no longer exists and the clouds mock my desperation

And though there was a time that I once loved you

The rain followed you home and the sun left without a goodbye

And now all I’m left with is your damn singing

That is out of tune with the beat of those fucking raindrops

And I am sickened by the thought of ever having loved you

Because when the rain won’t stop you know there is no more hope for us

Him

Messy hair and black clothes

Bright eyes behind cigarette smoke

Flashing lights and him

A silhouette of his pain

He showed us the raw parts of him

And underneath his bones was a deep sadness

That kept him from loving himself

White lines and red eyes

Drinking elixir from dark bottles

The cure I wish to be

He never realized how good he is

How beautiful and magnificent his mind is

His voice holding eloquence and meaning

Screams and greedy hands

Desperate souls that cry his name

“Don’t you mind?”, He asks

I want to hold his face in my hands and tell him that I do

Leather jackets and tattoos

Symbols of a heartbreaker

But he’s so much better than that

So my question for him is, “Don’t you mind?”

Broken souls and sad boys

Who cannot love themselves or feel loved by someone else

Because their minds are too rare and brilliant to be understood

(I do not take credit for this photo nor do I have the original photographer’s information to share)