When I sleep

I wanna feel like I feel when I’m asleep…

Because when I’m in the world of my subconscious no one can touch me

Even in a nightmare the demons can’t grab hold of me

I’ve stopped running from them, the demons I mean

They circle and they scream and they laugh but they cannot touch me

It gives me a power and control that, when I’m awake, isn’t in me

I wanna feel like I feel when I’m asleep because in the world of my subconscious I’m running through things unknown

I discover a whole new world where no one has ventured but me

It’s like Alice’s wonderland

Except my wonderland is full of desires and fears and lusts

I wanna feel like I feel when I’m asleep because the earth as we know it no longer exists and I can leap across universes and meet creatures who tell me secrets I won’t remember when I wake up

I can push through walls into vast gardens and I can explore the depths of the sea

I can taste death without taking a bite

I can fall and fall and never break

I can be surrounded by darkness and still see

And I can visit those I’ve lost in the world I wander around when I’m awake

When I close my eyes and let my subconscious take over my entire body I’m at my most vulnerable

People say your mind can be your own worst enemy

All I know is that my mind could create an entire galaxy of possibilities

My mind can create monsters that not even the angels have faced

I am me but my mind is it’s own

It chooses what I see when I’m in the world where no else one can go

And that, is the best feeling there is

Having to let go, having to see your greatest fears and your greatest indulgences and not have to tell a single soul about it

God, I love that feeling like I feel when I’m asleep

And the whole time you’re lying next to me, in your own world, in your own lifetime

Would I still love you if I saw your world?

Would you still love me?

I don’t think you would

Because if others were meant to see us in our purest rawest most fucked up form, no one would love each other, and the shame of it all would consume us

And that’s why there is no feeling like being asleep

No feeling like being by yourself in your mind, conquering the demons who haunt you when you’re awake


You were standing there, so real and genuine. I couldn’t find the right words when you spoke to me. You asked to show me something. I followed you through the trees that stretched so tall they seemed to be touching the sky. Birds were everywhere, singing and hopping along to the rhythm of our footsteps. You held my hand and led me down a path made of wildflowers. We stopped in front of a tiny cottage in the middle of the forest, my heart beating out of my chest. Inside there was only a bed, pressed up against wall length windows that looked out over a lake and magnificent snow covered mountains. The sky was gray, but beautiful. You asked me if I liked it, you said it had been made for me. And then we were lying down, your arms around my body, my hand across your chest. You whispered that you wished we could stay like that forever, and I quietly agreed, holding on to you so tightly that I became embarrassed. I remember you laughing and then telling me that it would be alright. I knew what was coming. And then you were no longer beneath me. And that’s when I realized that the birds had stopped singing. The mountains and lake had been swallowed by the night. You were gone and I was alone, with no sign of life around me.


Life is hard sometimes, for others it may even feel like most of the time. Life throws obstacles at you in an attempt to tear you down. But you will survive those wretched days because you are a dreamer. Just like I am. I truly believe that dreams awaken the soul and pour out into ones reality. I believe that my reality lies in my dreams. It’s important to remember that it is NOT the other way around. Your reality is what you make it. When you dream you begin to create a future for yourself which ultimately is what shapes the reality of your life. I may be over thinking all of this but my imagination and the dreams it creates is what keeps me going. Dreaming reminds me of the world waiting for me. It invents a future and instills hope. So never stop dreaming.